DISCLAIMER: no dogs were cooked in the preparation of this meal. Though I did come close.
Chicken and sweetcorn soup and a dog
Jollof rice and chicken
I have never to my knowledge eaten any Nigerian food, but it sounds like it involves big piles of chicken and rice, which is very much in my wheelhouse. I decide to eat some.
Burgers with pickled cabbage relish
All food bets are off around the Christmas period: a lawless time when it feels reasonable to have fudge for breakfast and you can drink Hofmeister at 10am without anyone raising an eyebrow. So as going to the effort of making one burger seems a waste of energy, I'm going to have two.
New Year’s Eve failure steak
I ended the year as I lived it: doing something to a standard that was acceptable but ultimately fell short of its potential.
Griddled chicken and chickpea stew
As my grandfather used to say, you can't griddle a chicken without humiliating a junior halal butcher.
Penne with bacon and peas
I’m heading home doing a mental fridge/cupboard inventory, and I’ve got all this stuff to use up. An onion on its last legs. Two rashers of bacon that I’m not wholly convinced haven’t gone off. Massive reserves of pasta and frozen peas. I Google a recipe. All I need is to score some soured cream on the way home. I can do that. I can do anything.
M&S sandwiches on a train
It's Friday night, I've got a three-and-a-half hour train journey ahead of me, I've had three pints of Doom Bar and I won't get time for dinner at the other end. This requires a plan.
Gammon in Coca-Cola with a maple syrup glaze
Getting rid of unwanted things in the kitchen cupboard is becoming a bit of an obsession. I’ve had a bottle of Coke in there since it came with a takeaway pizza deal some time last year and I’m not a fan of the stuff. You can use it quite effectively to clean the toilet apparently, or you can drop a bit of a dead pig in it and boil it for a while.
Beef, orange and beetroot tagine
I have had The Lads round. We spent Friday night playing poker, talking about which cars are the fastest cars and objectifying women. As a result on Saturday morning I have two rinded oranges left over from Old-Fashioneds. So now I need to find something to do with two oranges. Something that doesn’t involve autoerotic asphyxiation.
Sausages, eggs and potato waffles
Hi, I'm 11 years old and this is what I had for my tea.
Shove a Lemon Up It 