In lockdown, things to look forward to are vital. Lunch is one. The delivery of whatever useless tat you've been suckered into buying online is another.
There's a lockdown trend afoot: recreating fast food at home. You can imitate the meal, but there's no substitute for the shame.
When two worlds collide: a 1997 Paul McCartney album and its influence on the trailblazing decision to put chilli in a pie.
So lockdown's come to this: baking, and the obligation to perform constant mental arithmetic because the recipe you're following is measured in US cups.
Good Friday proves my best lockdown day so far, better even than the one when Amazon delivered my new four-socket surge-protected extension lead.
A week before lockdown is announced there are rumours it's coming. I go out to buy food, feeling panicked, though it goes without saying I'm not panic-buying.
My most long-term fridge resident, the jar of Tesco Finest garlic chutney, has finally moved on to better things.
I am happy to announce that I have invented what I call the "stir" "fry", a meal composed entirely of – and this is the clever bit – things you have fried while stirring. The stirring is key, because otherwise the things will burn.